Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
