Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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