he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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