Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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