Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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