you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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