My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
