I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
