I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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