She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
