i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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