I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
