Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
