So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fuck appropriateness.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
