:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
