Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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