Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
