Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
