apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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