Can i not drive my cunt home
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
