apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
