i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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