Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
