12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
