Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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