If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
