New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
