this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
