Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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