I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
