We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
what day is it and did you see me today?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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