can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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