I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
