He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
