The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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