she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
