now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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