They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How does one acquire holy water?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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