When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize