textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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