birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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