Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
