he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My feet surprised me
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