you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
