That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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