just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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