the condom got lost in my hair
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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