you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
