he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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