Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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