I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
