i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize