Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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