You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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