we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize