i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
now i know why i became what i already was.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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