the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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