even my farts smell like vagina
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
