at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
