We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
