So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
