He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
