you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
