just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize