Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize