THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
