Who did Billy Mays play for?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
