My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
