just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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