I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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