O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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Naked. naked and bneed help.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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